Lazy Stepsister

I am a lazy girl. Ask my mother.

Better yet, ask my younger sister, Jolene. She'll be happy to give you the details of my laziness. How, while we were growing up, I never did one single chore, and she was forced to do everything. (Cue the violins...) When she tells the story, she's Cinderella, and I'm all of the ugly stepsisters! I can see the little mice flocking around her feet even as I type this! (If you're reading this, Jolene, remember, I love you, and since we're grown up, it's not fair to beat me up anymore!)

Yes, I am lazy. (But not quite that lazy!) I've never denied it. As a matter of fact, I'm good at doing nothing. I excel at sitting around. That is not necessarily a good thing. I'm looking around my apartment right now and realizing that my laziness has caught up with me once again.

I try to keep on top of the housework, really, I do. The kitchen is always clean, the bed gets made almost every day, and I keep things dust-free -- most of the time. But there are areas that I let go too long. Like laundry. I hate doing laundry. Of course, if I didn't have to save up quarters, and drag the hamper down the endless hallway to the spooky laundry room, I might do laundry more often. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I swept the floors this morning while I was waiting for the kettle to boil for my tea, and was going to mop, but got distracted. Maybe once I'm done with this post, I'll finish the floors, vacuum and clean the bathroom. Then I can justify ignoring the laundry for a few more days.

(For the record, Jolene rules.)

Darkest Before the Dawn

Well this sucks.

Steven, my amazing boyfriend, has been out of work since about this time last year, when he injured his knee on the job. After months of medical leave & workman's comp, and battling with the insurance companies, his time ran out, the hospital gave his job away, and he had to file for unemployment. They, of course, denied him. His appeal was denied today. For some reason, the morons over there seem to believe he quit his job voluntarily, even though he has given them proof of his injury, the paperwork from the hospital, everything, they turned him down.

For months he has been looking for work every day, and these stupid people tell him to go back to the old job for 7 weeks (or months, I was so annoyed I stopped listening), and then he'll be eligible!

What the FUCK?!?!

Aside from just being incredibly stupid, amazingly annoying and downright idiotic, this throws our finances even farther into a black hole than they already are. The rent is covered, but paying the power & cable bill, not to mention putting gas in the car?! Forget it!

We'll be moving soon from our palatial two-bedroom apartment to a luxurious one-bedroom. We're lucky that the one-bedroom is just down the hall, so we won't have to pack everything up. Of course, a big chunk of our things will need to be boxed and trundled over to my parents house, so my dad can complain about how there's too much stuff in his garage already! Thank God for my folks.

The worst part of all of this is not that we have no money, or that we are being forced to move from the only home we've known as a couple. It's the toll all of this is taking on Steven. Every day I see him sinking lower, and it breaks my heart. He is such a good man, a wonderful person, and he does not deserve this! Yet he feels that all of this is his fault, that he's failed me. All I can tell him is that he has in no way let me down. In fact, he's my hero. His desire to work & support our little family makes me so proud it brings tears to my eyes! I see his many talents, and I am amazed, and I wonder why he chose me. Money isn't everything; love is.

This is why I know that though things are dark right now, the sun come out. Because we have each other, and love.

Come Hell or High Water

Today I began a journey of change. I promised myself that today, no matter what, I would get my sorry ass over to the gym, and begin working out.

For a long time I've been very unhappy with how I look. My belly is jiggly, and when I sit down the rolls of fat are just gross. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am, just not how I look. I've been overweight most of my life, and have complained about it the entire time. Recently I saw some video footage and photos of myself that just made me cry. I looked awful.

I'm 42 years-old. For the last 18 months I've been trying to regain my health, and it is finally getting better. Now is the time for me to get this body into a shape I can enjoy, before it's too late.

I'm not aiming for supermodel skinny (I may be a dreamer, but I'm not crazy! Hell, I wouldn't mind looking like Claudia Schiffer or Tyra Banks. But you'd have to stack two of me to make one of them, and then I'd have to deal with all that popularity crap, an I'd rather just stay short unknown me.)

Last week Jolene told me that it takes 14 days to form a habit, good or bad. Today was day One. I hit the gym & walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Steven showed me how to use the weight machine, and I'll do that again, too, as long as he's there to help me, since I'm too short to reach the bars by myself! I'll be there again tomorrow, even if my legs ache. Even if I wake up with Claudia Schiffer's figure! Come Hell or high water, supermodel or bodyaches, I am doing this.

I need to feel good about myself.