20 Questions for my 45th

Yesterday was my 45th birthday, and on the whole, it was pretty anti-climactic. I spent most of the day enjoying the benefits of Comcast on demand by watching Season 1 of Shameless. Between that I sat outside in the sun and read, which was lovely. Just having sunshine was a luxury! Oh, and I answered all the birthday greetings from friends on Facebook; that was excellent. I got a wonderful birthday gift from my sister & nephew, which they picked out weeks ago at a reptile show they went to. No, it isn't a lizard, it is an awesome Southwesterny owl necklace. I love it!

The last year of my life has been full of so much turmoil, so many ups and downs. While I have made some changes, I've mostly been sitting here, in my chair, stagnating. If there's one thing I know, it's that stagnant water STINKS! I am so tired of my life stinking. Starting now, starting here, I am churning up the water, changing my life. (Yes, I know I've said that dozens of times before. Shut up. I mean it this time.)

These questions came from a post titled 20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday on a blog about productive living. I am using them here as a way to give myself a guide for goals, etc. Honestly, this seems like a lot of things to worry about every single Sunday, and I'd only ask myself all these questions every six months or so. Don't expect profound answers, people. If you are looking for genius, what the hell are you doing here? Seriously? Anyway, here we go.  Text in italics is from the original post, these are my answers.

 

1. What did I learn last week? – If you have trouble answering this question, it’s time for a change.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, you should learn something new every week.  That baby powder doesn't get rid of ants; that baking with gluten free flour is not that easy; and that I have no wish to date or do anything else with guys from Craigslist.


2. What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week? – Reflecting on your accomplishments is a healthy way to raise self confidence and contentment.  It’s also an effective way to track your progress.  Umm, I didn't do much of anything last week. Big fibro flare, all sorts of health issues. However, I managed to read about 6 books, not a record for me, but pretty good. And while I have not lost any weight, I've not gained, either.


3. Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why? – It may open up your mind to new passions and goals, or simple pastimes worth revisiting. So much fun just goofing around with Max. He was on Spring Break, and was sick half the week, but when he was feeling good, he and I took turns teasing each other in the odd little way that we do. It reminded me how much I love kids, and love being social, things I miss, hiding in my room.


4. What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week? – Everything else is secondary, and should be treated as such.  Nevertheless, this question will also shine light on other noteworthy tasks. The same thing I needed to accomplish last week--get my ass out of this chair and EXERCISE!! My biggest goal for this year is to get healthy, and lose weight. The only way I can really do that is by exercise, which I never do. 


5. What can I do right now to make the week less stressful? – Set reminders in your calendar, get your laundry done, fill the car with gas… organize yourself. My doctor said I should schedule in exercise, thinking that would make me more likely to do it. When she told me this, I, of course did nothing; now I am thinking it's the right idea. 


6. What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? – The idea here is to learn from your struggles and better equip yourself for future encounters. Pain. Last week was full of pain. And the coming weeks likely will be, as well. I am hoping that more exercise will help with some of the pain, and will allow me to break free of the evil ibuprofen monster which is messing up my tummy. 


7. What was last week’s biggest time sink? – Steer clear of this in the future.  Setup physical barriers against distractions if you have to. Television is always my biggest distraction. I may have to hide my remote. And the chargers for my electronics, so I don't spend too much time online. 


8. Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? – Physical clutter, mental clutter… eliminate the unnecessary so the necessary may shine bright. Oh, I could spend weeks cleaning up just physical baggage. My little room is small, and I will work on getting rid of more junk this week. I got rid of a lot of clothes a few weeks ago. But magazines, papers, and other crap still needs to go. Big fun.
   


9. What have I been avoiding that needs to get done? – Pencil in a time to get these things done.  For any 2-minute or less tasks, consider scheduling them first thing Monday morning. Didn't I just cover this?


10. What opportunities are still on the table? – If it’s still available and you want it, make a concrete plan to go after it this week. I'm writing. Not as much as I should, but I am. And I will figure out two things soon: a job, and a place to live. These will be on hold until after my disability hearing on April 18th. Once this limbo is decided, one way or the other, I will make a decision. 


11. Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to? – Regular communication can solve problems before they fester.  Always keep an open line of communication to those around you. Yes, some near, and some far. I'd rather not mention names here, but just know some of you will be getting a phone call or email this week.


12. Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’? – Take time each week to thank the people who have helped you.  Your kind gesture will not go unnoticed. My baby sister, Jolene. She's been here for me throughout everything, and never gets enough credit from anyone for everything she does. Same goes for my mom. 


13. How can I help someone else this coming week? – The easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.  If you help them, they will remember you when you need help. I am a lazy bugger, and do very little around the house to pull me weight. I chip in when asked, but I should do more...


14. What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years? – You’ll never make any progress in life if you don’t setup realistic goals for yourself. This is a difficult one. Three years, three things. 1) Get my own place again. 2) Get my book written  3) lose 100 pounds


15. Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals? – If the answer is no, something needs to change. I'm starting on writing, but on the others, not so much...


16. What’s the next step for each goal? – Knowing the next step is the key to accomplishing the whole. I don't have an answer for this. Any ideas?


17. What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week? – The answer can act as a great source of motivation.  If nothing exists, schedule something to look forward to. I don't have plans yet, but I'm working on it. Suggestions?
    


18. What are my fears? – Consciously address your fears each week and slowly work on resolving them.  It’s all about taking baby steps. My biggest fear now is about that upcoming disability hearing, and it's outcome. I've been waiting for a year for this to happen, and I am, frankly, terrified, that these people who know nothing about me, will decide that I am "cured" of a lifelong disability, and will  cut off my health insurance. I can figure out a way to get by without the money, but I need that insurance; without it, I have no way to pay for medications, doctor visits, etc. And then I am back where I started, with seizures all the time, pain and suffering.  


19. What am I most grateful for? – It’s a smart way to keep things in perspective, and something you should never lose sight of. Every single day I am grateful to be alive, grateful that I have a family who loves and helps me. 


20. If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with? – Another helpful reminder… Life is short.  Spend more time with the people you care about. I'd tell my family how much I loved them, every day. I'd find a way to get to Albuquerque, and see the friends there that I miss so much. Elissa, Kathy, Karen, and the rest (anybody else hearing the Gilligan's Island theme song?). 

 

These are my 20 questions, and my answers, such as they are. Someone told me last week that 45 isn't a landmark birthday. Well, for me it feels like it, especially since I know so many who never made it this far. I miss Michele every single day, and will, for the next 45 years, or until I see her again.

Book Review: The Speed of Dark

The Speed Of Dark by Elizabeth Moon

This is an amazing book with, what I felt to be, a heartbreaking ending.
Set in the not-so-distant future, a time when most disease and crime has been wiped out by genetic modification or computer chips planter in the brain, this is the story of Lou Arrandale, an autistic man. Lou is part of the middle generation of autists; his generation has been able to gain great strides in "normal" functioning due to training in early childhood with computers that helped to teach speech in ways that accommodated the sensory problems of the autistic brain. Lou and others his age hold high-functioning jobs, drive, and live alone, things that the autists of the older generation have not been able to do. The younger generation has benefited even more; genetic modifications in the womb have made autism for them only something they had before birth. Yet Lou and his friends still have many of the same social issues that face all autistic people: trouble with social skills, difficultly reading language and facial cues, and a tendency to be overly literal.
Told from Lou's point of view, we see the world through his eyes, and it is often enlightening look. As Lou muses about God, or music, or the patterns of the stars, the world opens up. Lou has "normal" friends, and takes a class once a week in fencing, something that he enjoys. Yet, he doesn't realize he is having fun until someone points out to him that he seems to be enjoying himself; he had only noticed that he was flushed and sweating.
The crux of the story is this: a new therapy is going into human trials, a therapy that may "cure" autism in adults. The pharmacological company that Lou works for has purchased this therapy, and his boss, who dislikes the special treatments the autistic workers get (things which allow them to function well in the workplace, such as a gym, music and Lou's spinners at his desk), decides they will be told to receive this treatment or lose their jobs. Of course, this is illegal, and most of the team do not want the treatment.
Lou ponders what would happen if they change his brain. Will he be the same person? Like the same things as before? Will it matter? For example, he knows he likes peppers on his pizza and doesn't like anchovies. If he has the treatment, will he suddenly like anchovies? And will it matter? It will matter to the anchovies, he decides, and to the man who sells anchovies.
I truly enjoyed this book, although I was disappointed with the ending. As I read, I was reminded of The Handmaid's Tale, another novel set in a future that seems strange yet possible. Lou's voice is so authentic, and so touching. This is definitely worth reading.

 

Goodbye Roses Hello Enchantment

As much as I love Portland, I don't think I can take another winter here.

There are so many wonderful things about the Rose City: fantastic music scene, awesome coffee and terrific libraries, a real love of books, fabulous food, and year-round green. The public transportation system, TriMet, rocks, which is important to me, since I don't drive. I love living in a place where books and coffee and parks are valued, where there's art on nearly every corner. And there is so much green! It's the green that is killing me. Well, not the green itself, but the reason for it. All this damp chilly weather is wreaking havoc on this fibromyalgia-riddled body.

Let me explain:for those of you who don't know, fibromyalgia is a chronic pain disorder related, some think, to nerves. Medical science doesn't really know what causes it, or how to fix it; they don't even have an accurate diagnosis for it. Let's just say, if you have it, you probably know it. In my case, one of my older sisters and my younger sister were diagnosed before I was; when I continued to have body aches and pains that there was no reason for, we put it together. My younger sister gets pains more often in her hips and legs; mine are usually in my neck, shoulders and arms, radiating into my back. Occasionally I'd have pains in my wrists, or ankles; this was most likely because I'd broken all of them at some point (my right wrist twice, the left once), and not so much because of the fibromyalgia. My doctor has posited that I may also have early osteoarthritis, because this pain happens in joints that have prior injuries and gets worse in wet and cold weather.

The cold and wet weather also causes what are known as "fibro flares" where the pain of fibromyalgia in a certain area is severe and intense. These can last for days to weeks, in some cases longer. For some people the pain in manageable and they are able to go about a fairly normal lfie; for others, even the touch of clothing on their skin is too much to bear, movement causes excruciating pain.

I've been lucky for the most part and have fallen somewhere in the middle of this scale. When I'm having a "normal" day, I have a few aches, mostly upon rising, in my ankles and wrists; lifting things heavier than a half-gallon of milk is nearly impossible. This makes grocery shopping or trips to the library difficult. This is one of the reasons I have read so many e-books in the last 2 years; I can easily hold my tablet in one hand, even in bed, something I cannot even think of with a hardback library book, or even a trade paperback these days!

When I'm having a flare, forget lifting that half-gallon of milk; if I want milk in my coffee, I have to get someone else to pour it (into the smaller cup than usual, since that's all I can lift), or pour from a creamer someone else has filled for me.  The muscles in my ankles hurt all day, sometimes causing falls, and my neck aches. I tend to clench my teeth when I'm in pain, so by the middle of the day I've usually given myself a headache, which doesn't help. To take the edge off, I take ibuprofen, but too much causes its own problems, not the least of which is a nasty upset stomach.

During this latest flare, I've had pain all up and down both legs, so bad that it has been difficult to walk. My left hand has hurt nonstop, and there is pain in the center of my back that feels like someone is scraping their nails up and down my spine. Every time it rains, something else starts hurting. I love Portland, but I don't know if I can take this any more.

One of the few things that actually helps with the pain of fibromyalgia (there is no cure) is heat. My older sister is living in Arizona now, and feeling much better. The month I spent in Toronto with Michele, while way too humid for me, was totally pain free. All of this is just to say if my disability hearing goes well next month (or even if it doesn't, probably), I am seriously thinking I need to pack up and move back to New Mexico. They have coffee, books, food, and my friends, and best of all, heat. I'd miss my family, but I would not miss being in pain.

It's Not Easy Bein' Green

Lately, my obsession with trying to live a green life has grown. I've always been a bit of a "hippie," in that I always preferred natural products, fresh foods, and vintage things over chemicals, frozen or junk foods, and the latest trend. My teenage years don't count--those were drenched in Pepsi and Taco Bell, full of hair spray and Bonne Bell lip gloss. But it was the 80's, so I can be forgiven, right?

I always disliked plastic dishes & cups, way before we knew that plastic was so bad for us. The way it smells and feels is just somehow icky to me; I prefer glass, stone, china. My mother (who I love!) has a habit of saving every margarine, yogurt and sour cream 

I get kind of freaked out reading these lists of toxic chemicals we are surrounded by. It's not bad enough that I sneeze my head off walking down the laundry detergent aisle at the market, or that most fragrances and soaps make me itch like crazy, but I read these and discover that my Taco Bell cups probably gave me some weird autoimmune disorder. And don't even get me started on the piles of disposable diapers that will still be around 200 years from now. Is it any wonder I hate plastic?

These days, my big drinking glass is BPA-free plastic, but I am trying to replace it. I drink at lot of water, and need something big, and in my search for a large glass tumbler, I've had a difficult time. Today I realized that I can use a mason jar if I drill a hole in the lid & add a rubber grommet for the straw!  If I can find the drill, and get Mom to sacrifice one of her jars, I'll try this. I already have a mason jar soap dispenser, which uses the same principle.

This week I made a jar full of citrus-vinegar cleanser, using a method i learned on Pinterest. I kept a weeks worth of orange peels in a mason jar (Dad takes an orange in his lunch every day), covered them with white vinegar and let them soak for 48 hours. Today I poured off the pale orange liquid into a smaller jar, and tomorrow, I will do some cleaning with this concoction. I'll be sure and let you all know how it works!

Yesterday I found the site Zero Waste Home, a blog where a woman named Bea tells how she and her family have reduced their un-needed waste to nearly none. They use no plastic bags or products, with very few exceptions  - toothbrushes being the main one. They've gone so far as to stop using deodorant, because of the plastic packaging; she bought an alum stone, and has used it for over a year. They buy recycled toilet paper, and compost all of their food scraps. Of course, Bea takes her reusable bags shopping with her, but she takes green shopping a step further: she also takes along homemade mesh and cloth bags for produce and bulk items, as well as glass jars for "wet" items like meat and cheese which she buys at the counter. They buy milk from a source (I'm assuming it is local to them) that uses glass bottles, the old-fashioned way. They even take along their own glass containers to ice cream shops and restaurants, for leftovers. Some of these places allow them to use their containers, others don't. All of this was very intriguing to me, although they take it all a bit farther than I ever could.

I'm not willing to give up makeup or deodorant, or not own a coffee pot, just

because of the packaging. I am willing to search out sources of these things that have

less packaging. At the moment I share a home with a lot of people, all very set in their

ways. While I try to be the change I wish to see, I will meet much resistance, I am

sure. I will continue. I see my niece and nephew, and I want them to have a healthy

planet when they are my age; I want it for their children as well.

Book Review: I Think I Love You

 

I Think I Love You by Allison Pearson 
You'd expect a book about teens in love with David Cassidy to be light and full of air, a pop song of a novel, wouldn't you? Well, that is not at all what the reader gets with this book. The story of Petra, who as a teenager in a small Welsh town, who along with her best friend Sharon, enters The Ultimate David Cassidy Quiz contest in hopes of winning a meting with their idol. Petra's mother is staunchly against all forms of popular culture the family doesn't even have a television and so Petra must hide her devotion to Cassidy, as well as her plans to see the man in concert in London. Years later, after her mother's death, she discovers a letter in her mother's things, telling her that she'd won that contest back in 1974; in a rush of grief, Petra calls the publishing company and demands her prize.

 

Intertwined with Petra's story is that of Bill, a writer at the magazine sponsoring the contest, who in many senses becomes David Cassidy for the fans. He writes the letters the teenyboppers think are from David, using his poetic and musical heart to win their love. Bill even behaves like a prince at the concert where he and Petra unknowingly cross paths.

 

Years later, as adults, they cross paths again, as Bill's publisher sends Petra and Sharon to Las Vegas to see David Cassidy, fulfilling their adolescent dreams. The plot sounds simple, but like a good pop song, there are layers. Upon layers. Love, anguish, teenage and adult heartbreak, music, poetry, and friendship. I didn't expect it, but I am so glad I found it. Allison Pearson, I think I love you.

 

Book Review: The Twelve Tribes of Hattie

The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis

This was an interesting, easy-to-read novel, but not, in my opinion, worthy of being a best-seller. I chose to read it for two reasons: sometimes Oprah is right about books, and the title. My grandmother was named Hattie, and my favorite niece is named after her. How could I resist?  (A side note: Hattie in the book has a sister named Pearl; my grandmother Hattie had a daughter named Pearl.) In this case, I think Oprah was mistaken. Don't get me wrong: this was definitely better than Madame Bovary, but Oprah has chosen better books in the past. (Am I the only one who wonders if Oprah actually reads all the books she chooses? She has an empire to run; how does she find time to read? Or enjoy all that money? I have to wonder if she ever just curls up with a book, a cup of tea, and those dogs.)

WARNING: SPOILERS!

Hattie is a young black woman, only seventeen when the book begins, with a husband and twin babies. After leaving Georgia with her mother and sisters two years before and settling in Philadelphia, she marries and in quick succession loses her mother to death and one sister to the South. She is alone in a cold and lonely town, poor and scared.
The tribes of the title are Hattie's children, each chapter named for one or more, their struggles and experiences. From the twins of the first chapter, Philadelphia and Jubilee, suffering through pneumonia in the harsh winter, whose deaths change their mother forever. Her pain and anger after this event affects all of her relationships. She loves the rest of her children, but is unable to show them. Her children call her The General, and resent her hard work to keep them all alive. The children grow up to be everything their mother does not want them to be: Floyd, while a successful musician, struggles with his sexuality.  Alice and Billups hide an event that tortures both of them. Bell throws herself into a life of debauchery to hurt her mother, nearly killing herself in the process.  Franklin gambles and drinks away his family. Six is lost to the life of faith he does not really believe in; Cassie's mental illness is wrapped up in religion and paranoia.  Ruthie is Hattie's love child, almost sets Hattie free. Ella, the child of Hattie's middle years, is loved, and sent away to live with sister Pearl, in hopes that she will have a better life. Sala, the grandchild, Cassie's daughter, is the child Hattie tries to save. She has lost Cassie to her craziness, lost the twins to death; Six to religion and his own desires. While she rescued Bell from her illness, we never find out if their relationship becomes better, or even what happens once Bell leaves the hospital. And this is my problem with this book-no follow through. I want to know what happens to these people! The book skims over the issues of the times, from Prohibition, Jim Crow, Civil Rights, sexuality, alcoholism and disease, as well as mental illness and religion, but never really addresses any of them. The ending is unsatisfactory and abrupt, without any kind of resolution. I enjoyed the stories, as far as they went, but I long for more. Perhaps Six Tribes would have been a better ides, with a bit more focus on each tribe?

Book Review: Madam Bovary

 

What is 'Madame Bovary'? A critique of the French class system? A look at one woman's very unhappy life? A comment on how romance novels and the belief in "romance" leads to disillusion and despair? It can be read as any or all of these, but why bother? The ramblings of Flaubert as his heroine throws her life away are not worth the time you will waste. But for a few brief moments of interest, a few random lines that are truly memorable, this book was no classic.



"Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars."

---Gustave Flaubert (Madame Bovary)

An Anniversary Post

One year ago today, I set myself free. Left the relationship, the man, the place that was keeping me bound. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, and I am still recovering.

In the three years he & I were together, I became isolated from family and friends, was bullied and ignored, alternately told I was stupid and beautiful, treated like a second-class citizen and on occasion, a princess. He denies that our relationship was in any way abusive or even dysfunctional. He believes I ruined his life; that every problem we had was my fault. I do not deny my fault in some things; I am, by no means perfect.

Yes, I tried to change some things about him. I am a woman, that's what we do. In my defense, what I wanted him to change were things little things like picking up socks, taking out the trash. Oh, and a few bigger things, such as getting a job, not lying to me, filing divorce papers, and not hitting on our friends.  Maybe that was asking too much? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

I never once put him down, even when I could have, but he constantly tried to make me feel stupid. Compromise was something he would never do; I always had to give in.

My paltry checks paid all the bills, and any money I spent had to be accounted for. I had to borrow money from my family for things like toilet paper and shampoo, but he always found enough cash to buy treats and toys for his dog. The grocery shopping was a huge issue. On the once-a-month shopping trip, he'd give me a time limit, usually 20 minutes, then he'd sit in the car, while I shopped, and be angry if I took longer than he thought I should, or spent too much. The time constrain was his way of controlling me, and it made me angry, and sometimes frightened. I was always worried I'd come out of the store, into the dark parking lot to find him gone.

It took a long time for me to work up the courage to leave. I tried once before, even began packing. He cried so hard, sobbing and weeping, and I gave in, and stayed. This time, I couldn't. In spite of his threats of suicide if I left, even though he claimed he'd end up living under the bridge if I left. My own life finally mattered more. I broke those chains, and left.

Freedom is bittersweet. I was once a hopeful romantic, and now, the idea of love, at least for me, seems ridiculous. I have a very difficult time trusting people anymore. I am angry at him, very angry, and it may take a long time to get over that.

One year. I am free, and it good.

 

Spoiling My Cat- A Project

My darling cat, Miss Google, has a couple of annoying habits. She wakes me up at the butt-crack of dawn, demanding to be fed; her favorite sleeping place is on top of my open book; and she continually drops pieces of food into her water bowl. Once there are little soggy nuggets of cat chow floating in the bowl, she refuses to drink from that water, and searches the house for any other source of water she can find, including the toilet bowl on occasion. Which just grosses me out completely.


Handmade Cat Fountain by Kieth David, available on Etsy for $138

I thought about getting her a small tabletop fountain, after seeing her drink from the running faucet, and remembering how my sister's cat, Cat-Cat wouldn't drink from a bowl, just from the faucet. However, the drinking fountains designed for cats are primarily made in China of plastic, which is not food safe. If I won't use it for myself, why would I let my kitty drink from it? There are stainless steel models, but Miss G has made her dislike of metal dishware clear in the past. There is a man selling pottery cat fountains on Etsy, with non-toxic glazes, and copper piping. They are beautiful, and if I win the lottery, I'll get her one, because they are pricey! He was inspired by seeing how his cat Bijou, drank from the tabletop fountain he had.

I've googled how to make my own tapletop fountain, and it seems like something even someone with my limited skills might be able to do, so I plan to head out to the nearest hardware store and pick up the needed supplies.

I will need:

• a wide and deep sealed terra cotta or pottery bowl for her to drink from


• a taller and deeper vessel (also sealed) to house the pump and a large amout of the water


• a "bubbler" for a fish tank


• some plastic tubing


• waterproof adhesive

Some of these things I will scrounge around the house to find, like the containers. I'm thinking about using an old wash basin, and a few mismatched teacups to make the fountain pretty as well as functional.

Pictures and updates to follow!

Call Me Clumsy

I am a clumsy girl. Always have been. I manage to hurt myself doing things most people do without any problems, like sitting, standing, and even eating. I run into furniture, walls get in my way, I trip over my own feet, and I am the only person I've ever met who can be standing perfectly still, and fall over. An ankle will just twist, and suddenly I'm sprawled on the ground, in pain and looking stupid. I've managed to bruise every single part of my body at some point, and this does not count the injuries I've sustained during seizures.

As I write this, I have bruises on my right arm, hip and leg, as well as my chin. Friday night, in the act of standing up--something most people do without injury-- I skidded across the wooden floor of my bedroom when that ankle twisted, landing on a stack of cardboard boxes in the corner. With my face. It was a bit softer than where the rest of me landed,  the floor and wall. I swore like a sailor, and spent the rest of the evening with am ice pack on my face. By Saturday morning, my face was fine, but my leg hurt so badly I spent the day with it iced. My right wrist is still killing me; that's the wrist I've broken twice, and it hurts all the time!

My dream is to go an entire week without a new bruise or injury. To not look as if I've been the victim of a bad beating, or car accident. Until then, I will keep buying arnica, and  make sure I always have ice packs and ace bandages around!

Related articles

• How to Strengthen Your Ankles (houstonfootspecialists.blogspot.com)


• How Much Is It Too Much? (alexeelise.wordpress.com)


• Being a Clumsy Girl is Not Cool (bryonysbrainwrites.wordpress.com)


• I'm a clumsy guy (brandedzak.wordpress.com)