Talk Nerdy To Me

Let's talk about nerd-dom. My nerdiness. It's my blog, nobody reads it but me, I'll talk about what I want, and you can't do a thing to stop me, nyah-nyah-nyah. I can write all about how I spend way too much time reading Drarry fanfiction, or watching Glee (or listening to music from Glee while reading Drarry stories--that's the best!), and nobody would care! Ah, the joys of the internet.

But first, I must point out that I am not a geek, or a dork. A geek is smart enough to create and fix things like computers, etc., and I am not. A dork doesn't really get anything. A nerd both understands and is into really cool stuff. That's me.

Yes, I do enjoy Harry Potter fanfiction, and I do not care if you think that makes me a nerd, because I embraced my nerdiness way back in Junior High when I sang a Barry Manilow song in front of the entire school. Yes, I am THAT big a nerd. I am a Barry Manilow-loving, Doctor Who-watching, Firefly-missing, Sherlock-worshipping, fanfiction-reading, nerd. And I am damn proud of it. In some respects, I guess this makes me a hipster, because I was dorky long before it was cool, and I was happy being this way. I've never really wanted to be anything but who I am.

In high school, I had good friends, and while we weren't the popular crowd, we got along with everyone, and we had a ton of fun. We were primarily choir and theater geeks, and most of us made good grades as well. At the time I thought we were all staying away from drugs and alcohol, although I know now that wasn't true for all of us; either way, we had a lot of fun just being totally stupid, as teenagers tend to do. I never remember wanting to be any "cooler" than we were; I thought we were fabulous then, and I still do. Mostly. Except for the friend I've since discovered was stoned pretty much since eighth grade. That just pisses me off, although it does explain a bit about him.

In college, it was pretty much the same. Weird friends, just older. Different states, different things, and eventually, a bit of that alcohol. Either way, we were all some kind of misfit toy, and it worked.

Anyway. All these years later, even with Michele gone, I am still listening to Barry, still spending most of my Friday nights watching bad movies and occasionally eating pizza. Not the same movie anymore, thank god. And nobody will let me get Hawaiian pizza anymore, which is okay, since I've had my fill.

I'm still a nerd. If I had friends nearby, I'm sure we'd be sitting around a coffee shop somewhere, laughing until one of us spit coffee out our nose. Heaven for me will involve lots of time in cozy cafes with Michele, Elissa, Louis, Doug, Andy, Demere, Marina, Christopher, Lori & Don, Marty, Eric, Kathy, Karen, Leslie, Kenny, Wes, Teri, Monica, Fay, and so many more. Lots of time just being nerdy with the friends I love.

This Song Says It.

A few days ago my friend Tara K. posted a link to a video of Robert Downey Jr singing with Sting, and since I adore RDJ, and quite like Sting, I watched the video, and then viewed several more. I had already been aware that RDJ could sing, having seen him in movies like 'The Singing Detective,' and in that episode of Ally McBeal (ick) where he sang with (oh, yeah) Sting! What I didn't know is that he'd recorded an album, which is pretty good. But this isn't really about that.

It's about this.



This video is the first thing Rob did after he got himself out of trouble, back on the straight and narrow, clean & sober, etc. The song, by Elton John, was never very popular, but, it speaks to me. Says everything I've been feeling. I hate when that happens.

"A man like me is dead in places other men feel liberated...but I want love." Yeah. That's it, all over. There are parts of me I cannot feel anymore, things I'm not sure I'll ever be able to feel again. My heart seems to be so hard that I'm not sure that anything can get through, or if I want it to. Too much pain. Too many scars, and why would I want more, yeah? Yet, I am craving something that will actually make me feel something, anything. I'd take pain over this nothing all the time.

 

Still the Queen

I hadn't realized I'd not posted since October. I am indeed, still the Queen of Procrastination. I thought I'd lost the title, but clearly, my reign is still going strong in this brand new year...  A new year. 2014. Wow. I'll be forty-six this in less than three months. I've been out of high school for twenty-seven years. Yet I don't actually feel all that different than I did 27 years ago, deep down inside, where it counts, anyway. The Queen has been around much longer than 27 years, I can promise you that. And I'm sure if I look in the right places, or ask my mother, there are things still undone from way back then, things I'm still putting off. Like growing up. Getting a life.

That sounds much more depressed than I intended it to, because really, I am not in a bad place right now. Other than not being thrilled with my too-short haircut. Which is entirely my fault, since I should never ever EVER be allowed to attempt to cut my own hair, no matter how annoyed I am with it! The fact that for the next month I will be forced to look like a fat KD Lang impersonator is going to remind me of that, I hope. Learn from my mistakes--a good thing to do this year, right?

If I can pry myself away from the fanfiction I've been lost in for the last month, I'll be able to get on with life, but then again, maybe I won;t bother. Perhaps I'll just become a middle-aged fangirl, and try my hand at writing my own fanfic. At least I can spell...