I spent most of yesterday in tears. And dressed in one of my least attractive outfits, which didn't help how I felt at all.
It's been years since I swam in the swimming pool of Major Depression, but it seems that when I wasn't looking, I put on my suit & dove in. Last Fall I argued with my doctor about whether my sleeplessness was caused by depression; next week I'll be asking for a new anti-depressant.
For the record, I detest these meds. In the past, between feeling EVERYTHING and feeling nothing, I've chosen everything. It seemed as if tears & darkness were a better option then. And I always had the time & strength to pull myself out of it. I don't feel that way anymore. Maybe it's because I'm older, maybe it's because there are so many other things going on, maybe it's because I'm just so frikkin tired. I don't think I could pull myself back. So I'll ask for help, and take the damn pills. And if that means I don't feel anything, well, so be it. Life wrapped in bubble wrap could be fun, huh?
Yes, it could be fun, but people are forever going to be poking at you and trying to pop you. Just be forewarned.
ReplyDeleteIt's got nothing to do with your level of strength to pull yourself out. It's a checmical imbalance. Make peace with the meds, at least at first.
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